Are you paying attention? Or just thinking?

by Tim O'Connor March 22, 2025March 22, 2025

“The quality of your golf—and your life—is determined by the quality of your attention.”

I’m not sure who I first heard utter this nugget of wisdom, but I have heard myself saying it a lot lately to my coaching clients.

I also had a recent experience that seemed to substantiate it.

Last weekend, I was listening to a young fellow around 13 reading aloud to a group. He was slight, spoke softly and had what I believe was an accent from an African country.

I thought: “I can’t hear what he’s saying. He doesn’t articulate his words well. Damn, I really struggle understanding people with accents.”

Then, I closed my eyes and focused on his voice. Immediately, I began to make out the words and followed the reading.

A few minutes later, a man whose first language was—I guessed—Chinese spoke. Again, I thought: “I can’t understand him clearly.”

And again, I closed my eyes and just listened. Soon, I easily followed what he was saying.

A few things occurred to me: when they began speaking, I immediately determined they were the problem. That they created the circumstance that caused my frustration.

But when I closed my eyes and fully listened, I realized that I was the problem. More specifically, it was my thinking.

Before I closed my eyes, my world was inside my head. The thoughts swirling around my head made it difficult to process what they were saying. It was like my mind created crosstalk, so their voices competed with my inner voice.

But when I closed my eyes and focused on listening, I could understand them just fine. I didn’t pick up every word, but I got their meaning, helped in part by their inflection, emphasis and the context. I wasn’t trying, judging, or complaining. It was like their words were falling on my ears and consciousness. I was fully receiving rather than processing.

When I do this—quiet my mind and allow an experience to wash over me—I have a greater opportunity of becoming engaged, attuned, and fully in the experience. It also feels good to be absorbed.

In moments like this—which are far too rare—I don’t usually realize it, but I’m practising the skill of awareness.

When we can pay attention, we give ourselves—and others—a tremendous gift. We give ourselves our best chance to be fully in the real world, rather than in the world of thoughts, which are a pale imitation of what’s real.

This is one reason that many golfers struggle with their games. They try to think their way through a golf swing. In their attempts to swing “correctly,” they try to use their minds to move their body or parts in prescribed ways.

But in a similar way that you cannot hear someone clearly if you’re thinking, you cannot feel what your body is doing if you’re thinking about what you’re doing. You can’t think about your swing while swinging and expect good results.

Like crosstalk, when you’re thinking while you swing, you’re creating dissonance and distraction, and you’re not present to what’s actually happening.

Let’s say you determine during a round that you can fix your poor shots by “making a full shoulder turn.” If you’re thinking “full shoulder turn” as you prepare to swing, you’re not in the present moment. You’re in the future.

What’s more, you’re disconnected from the club, from the target, and from the environment. You’re not in the real world. You’re in a conceptual world of thought. The idea of making a full shoulder turn is just that—an idea.

In a similar way to my initial reaction to the speakers, your mind is focused internally. But the objective of golf is to swing a club and send a ball to a target—whether that’s an area in the fairway, on a green, or the hole—all of which is external to us.

What’s more, your body, the club, ball, the turf and the hole are real, made of atoms. Your thoughts are not real. They are ephemeral, completely lacking in substance, here and gone instantly.

Am I saying that we shouldn’t pay attention to our thoughts and their attendant feelings? No, I’m saying observe and witness them, and know that you can choose how to respond to them.

In golf and in other parts of life, when we fully pay attention to what’s happening—without judging it, trying to change it, analyze or direct it—we can have deeper and fuller experience of what’s really happening.

It’s beyond the purview of this post, but I believe that our world is being torn asunder because everyone believes their way is the right way, and we don’t fully listen to each other. Thus, we don’t understand each other.

As I argue in my book, Getting Unstuck: 7 Transformational Practices for Golf Nerds, I believe golf can be a portal of transformation.

“If your desire is to become the golfer you envision, your work includes developing your swing … and learning how to use your mind more skillfully. It also requires observing, making better choices, healing and nurturing your spirit and engaging in practices that increase your self-awareness.”

Fully listening to others without judgment or trying to change anyone is a practice that can change your life—and your golf.

So will listening to your body.

In my next newsletter, I’ll share an awareness exercise that leads to better ball-striking.

This post previews my Getting Unstuck and Developing Your Feeling of Greatness Workshops that I will be presenting at golf clubs around Ontario this spring.

The workshops are based on my book, Getting Unstuck: 7 Transformational Practices for Golf Nerds and my experience with the late Moe Norman, whose biography I wrote. If you’re interested in attending one of my workshops, send an email to tim@oconnorgolf.ca … and ask your golf club about having me deliver one where you play.

If you’ve ever considered mental game coaching, I’m inviting you to take the opportunity for a FREE 30-minute coaching call.

During this free session, we’ll discuss: