A lesson in grit: a bad start didn’t finish J.J. Spaun

As bad starts go, J.J. Spaun’s in the final round of the U.S. Open was brutal.

Trailing by one, he made five bogeys in his first six holes; that’s one third of 18. That’s not a lot of trouble, that’s a ton.

On No. 2, his approach was so good, it hit the flagstick but bounded backwards about 50 yards off the green, leading to one of those bogeys. Nasty.

Most golf fans, including me, thought, “Well, that’s it for Spaun.”

This makes his victory all the more implausible, sweet, impressive and instructive. As golfers and people living our lives, we all want wins, to go forward. It’s programmed into us; we’re all drawn to some kind of north star. And yet, most of the time, we don’t make the progress we seek; we suffer far more setbacks than wins.

As a golfer, consider how you would have reacted to a start like Spaun’s. Most would say the day is done, over and out.

Consider how you react in other parts of life when things don’t go as you hoped—the project stalls, you don’t hit a target, or you don’t get the girl, the boy, or the promotion. Sure, it’s disappointing. But then what? Do you give up, look for an instant solution, or rationalize with a story? “Things never work out for me.” “I just don’t have what it takes.”

In the face of setbacks, you might ask yourself the question: How do I respond to this?

I’ve played with lots of people who’ve reacted to a bad start by whining and moping, which causes their game to unravel even more, and they drag their sorry carcass around like they were headed to the gallows. I’ve done it. Not fun to be with.

After his disappointment at the Players—where his final-hole 30-foot birdie putt for the win stopped inches short and he then lost to Rory McIlroy in a playoff—I don’t think anyone would have blamed Spaun for mailing it in after his start Sunday.

Didn’t happen.

“It just, it felt like, as bad as things were going, I still tried to just commit to every shot,” Spaun said. “I tried to just continue to dig deep. “I’ve been doing it my whole life.”

You hear all the time about the importance of practicing acceptance. It’s bandied about like a swing tip. As in, “Today, I’m going to visualize every shot, finish my backswing, and practice acceptance.” Almost every golf nerd has made similar little lists or plans, but abandoned them, especially after a bad start. There are times that you can turn a situation around by saying, “I need to accept this.” In most cases, it’s the best you can do.

However, it’s my strong sense that acceptance is not something you execute like it was a tactic kept in your back pocket in case of an emergency.

It’s a way of being. Practicing acceptance—and its close cousin gratitude—is something that we can aspire to every day in all that we do. Not always successfully. We all have bad starts and stumbles, spiral down a rabbit-hole of self-recrimination and feel like we’re crawling on our bellies. Scottie Scheffler wasn’t awash in acceptance on the range Friday; he was banging his clubs and range balls all over the place like a five-year-old having a tantrum.

That’s cool. You’re allowed to lose it. It’s what we humans do. Just don’t hurt anybody.

Bad stuff is going to going to happen, so we better accept it. What’s the option? Give up, mail it in, sulk, complain, and give up on yourself?

Acceptance starts with awareness, catching yourself when on the verge or fully in it, whatever it is.

But awareness is just the start. To live consciously, going for what we want, never giving up on ourselves and doing our best, requires a response. That we make a conscious choice, take responsibility for ourselves and take action that moves us toward our north star.

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” Viktor Frankl

Despite his start, Spaun kept on trucking. That he won the U.S. Open on treacherous Oakmont in a quagmire is a testament to his deep belief in himself, his grit and resilience.

Asked how he kept focused after his bad start, Spaun said: “I think it’s just perseverance. I’ve always kind of battled through whatever it may be to kind of get to where I needed to be and get to what I wanted.”

“I just felt like you keep putting yourself in these positions, like eventually you’re going to tick one off,” he said. “All the close calls that I’ve had on the PGA Tour this year has just been really good experience to just never, never give up.”